Written on 7:10 PM by Pastor Coon
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
The economy is so bad Obama met with three small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer, and Citigroup.
The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the quarter-ouncer.
The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
The economy is so bad people in Africa are donating money to Americans.
The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying-off judges.
The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
And finally, Congress investigated the Bernard Madoff scandal: Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear was investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
Posted in
humor
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Written on 7:07 AM by Pastor Coon
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man Prayed: "God, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river" Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the River." Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
If at first you don't succeed, Do it the way your wife told you!
Posted in
humor
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Written on 9:27 AM by Pastor Coon
Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favourite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mummy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the back wall, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats
One by one the teacher called a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't there.
'Where's her daddy at?' She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,' another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day.'
The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mum.
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.
'My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone.
'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart
I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart' 
With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath his favourite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love of a dad not in her life.
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.
'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.
You see he was a soldier and died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy and taught brave men to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
'I know you're with me Daddy,' to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long- stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.
Posted in
being a dad,
priceless
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Written on 9:08 AM by Pastor Coon
Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a fantastic job, but your being late so often is bothersome. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, 'Good morning, General. Coffee this morning, sir?'"
Posted in
humor
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Written on 10:56 AM by Pastor Coon
can bring balance to your life...
Wouldn't you agree?!?
This was on a friend's blog and I "borrowed" it because it was too good to not pass on to you, my friends.
Posted in
humor,
priceless
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Written on 9:40 AM by Pastor Coon
A doctor struck up a conversation with a hard-working 75 year old rancher while suturing a mean cut on the old man's leathery hand. Eventually the topic got around to Obama.
The old rancher said, "Well, you know, Obama is a 'post turtle.'"
Unfamiliar with the term, the doctor asked him what he meant.
The old rancher replied, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle.'"
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued: "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of complete moron put him up there to begin with."
Posted in
humor
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Written on 6:00 AM by Pastor Coon
Try Over $840,000 !!
Your Mother may be priceless to you, but in today's job market she's worth over $800,000 per year (up more than $39,000 from last year), according to Edelman Financial Services' Annual Mother's Day study. The study includes the salaries of the many occupations that a typical mother might hold during the course of a given year.
The tenth annual EFS study examined salary data obtained from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Edelman's goal was to establish criteria and determine what the combined median yearly salary would be for a multi-tasking mother being asked to:
*Raise children
*Cook meals
*Keep house
*Care for pets
*Dispense medications and nursing care
*Attend meetings and functions
*Manage family finances
*Provide transportation
*Assist with homework
*Listen to and resolve family problems
*Keep family on schedule
*Maintain family order and harmony
"Edelman Financial Services is attempting to quantify and track the true market value of a mother's annual worth in today's economy," said Ric Edelman, whose company manages over 2.4 billion in client assets.
"Of course, no one can place a value on the love and affection that mothers give to their families," he said.
"But since a mother wears many hats and is on duty 24/7, we decided that a typical mother deserves a full-time yearly salary for all 17 key occupational positions." 
Edelman noted that these figures should be higher, because they do not include the retirement, health and insurance benefits that workers in these positions typically receive.
"So if you haven't given much thought to the benefits of having a mom, try finding the money you'd need to pay someone to do everything that she does," Edelman said.
What do I say?
“Well, don't forget to put the check in the Mother's Day card -- you know the one for $841,900.”
Posted in
Current Events,
priceless
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